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The Man Rules

Finally , the guys' side of the story. ( I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear 'the rules '
From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered '1 '
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious! hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.



1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.



1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default setting!
.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.



[tags] acceptable answers,mind readers,sunday sports,toilet seat,subtle hints,full moon,christopher ,olumbus,blackmail,tides,pumpkin,peach,girlfriends,two ways,hassle,commercials,sympathy,colors[/tags]

Comments

  1. absolutely true. Enough with the coding and faking. Just say it as it is.
    I liked the fat one and speaking during commercials!!! Very funny!!!

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  2. LOL@"It's like camping".

    I may do some camping tonight, but not because I used any of these rules. My son would not shut up.

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  3. 1. When you ask a man "what are you thinking?" and he says "nothing" he is not keeping a secret agenda from you.

    A man's brain can come to a complete, full stop, and often does so.

    1. A man's eyes will track any moving object without him even knowing it.

    If you actually pay attention to where a man looks at all times, instead of just when you are jealous of some other woman in the room, you will find the man's eyes tracking everything in his field of view. Girls. Guys. The desert cart. Ceiling fans. The spider on your shoulder he doesn't know whether to tell you is crawling there. Chances are the brain is completely idle. See number one above.

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  4. not a very original post. why didn't you credit it instead of taking credit for it. repbublican, much?

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  5. Terriffffffiiiicccccccccccccccccccccc ...
    Very well done !!

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  6. Finally , the guys side of the story. ( I must admit, it s pretty good.) We always hear `the rules `
    From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

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  7. this should be on the fridge in every home

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  8. Even though women make rules and try to micromanage their men, it's still a Man's world.
    Technology and modern society has made it easy on all of us, making it easy for women to think there is parity, but it all is substantially made by men.
    My point; making rules and complaining when they are broken is different from doing things.
    Guys do things.

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  9. Stupid much? Think much? Democrat much? Much much?

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  10. Mostly true. Women are famous for behaving ridiculously or in ways that would annoy them if someone else were doing it. That's why you hear so many catty bitches bitching about catty bitches. LOL

    Personally, I don't like playing head games, and I don't like being involved with people, women or men, who do. I don't use sex as a weapon or gunny sack convenient snippets of verbal or emotional ammunition, and believe it or not, I look for good motives in what is said, even when it is seriously misspoken. (Most of the time men don't want to fight, so why would they say something that will intentionally cause a conflict?) I have a small, practical wardrobe and only five pair of shoes, and you know what? I don't complain about it. I know how to do laundry, so it works. It also saves closet space. I speak plainly, I don't bitch about the way my husband does something I ask of him, because as long as it's getting done, what does it matter if he's doing it his way? And who doesn't agree that there's nothing more annoying than someone who thinks everyone should be able to read his or her mind even when he or she can't figure it out themselves. (I've known men who play all these games just as bad as or worse than some women.)

    Interestingly, my husband and I have excellent communication, and our marriage is an unusually happy one for a younger couple. Why? Because neither of us shuts the other out with off-putting, manipulative head games. So, here's my advice for couples: Don't play games that aren't any fun. And if childish, manipulative, and possibly even hateful games are fun to you, seek professional help.

    Take care,
    Azy!

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  11. it's almost like you're reading my mind...

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  12. Wow. Can I date you? Wait, you're round..

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  13. "Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we" yup that one is a keeper....also what about the one where man rule:"No men gets into a conversation in the bathroom" , chiks do taht.

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  14. I am a woman and THANK YOU!! Well said, especially "ask for what you want" We don't expect our female friends to read our minds - why should we expect it from the men in our lives?

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  15. 1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    Well this is logically unfair. Women need it down in 2 cases. Guys need it in one case down, in other case - up, unless some of us learned how to take a dump while standing. So it's 3 to 1. They win.

    If it itches, it will be scratched - We do that.
    Totally true!

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  16. d, you are a crack head!it doesn't have to be original to be good.Hillary!

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  17. I am trying to figure out how you knew Christopher Columbus didn't need directions. I mean, I believe in past lives, so the possibility exists you were there with him, but if this is the case, can you honestly say you were with him AT ALL TIMES so you would know with total certainty at NO TIME did he ever ask for directions? Talk to me on this...

    ;)

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  18. im sorry. im gonna take a wild guess and say u dont have a girlfriend/wife.

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  19. Joe, it's not nice to call names. It's obvious that d is a woman and just needs something to complain about!

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  20. Photoshopped! The pixels are all wrong, I can tell 'cos I've seen quite a few shops in my time

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  21. hey azy, sounds like you are the one that needs help.

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  22. hey azy, sounds like you are the one that needs help. but it could be the wind

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  23. christopher columbus discovered america by accident. he thought it was india. he was lost

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  24. I take it u must b single

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  25. Thank you so much! You have just cleared up 53 years of not understanding the various men in my life. I think this should be taught in all middle schools across the country. Please for the love of women get this information out to the masses. Laney

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  26. WOW AZ sounds like a fun chick. Man what a Buzz Kill!!

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  27. Columbus did got loss.
    he was trying to get to India.
    thats why the Native Americans were called indians

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  28. FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:

    1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, cooks and cleans up.
    2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
    3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
    4. It's important to have a woman, who loves to be with you.
    5. It's very, very important that these four women never know about each other.

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  29. If it itches, it will be scratched!

    HAHAHA! YES IT WILL!

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  30. Well done, being a married guy i think all these rules are very true i have experience of all these.
    well done dude

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  31. Sounds like some had a fight with his wife. :)

    Geeze I wonder why

    "...round is a shape." LOL

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  32. this is like a crappy chain e-mail i would get from my dad. sure, at least half of it is true, but it's also crazy obvious (as a dude), completely boring, and makes us look like we're a bunch of idiots. was this written by a chick?

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  33. It's kinda funny because "the woman rules" are things women repeat often.... and the "man rules" sounds to me like something men always think and will never really say.
    guess the women rules are a little stronger...

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  34. I would have expected this comment to be about the fact that Columbus really did need directions. He ended up on the other side of the world from where he had intended to be.

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  35. Men only require 3 things from women:
    1-Feed us
    2-Fuck us
    3-leave us alone,and shut the hell up
    P.S. When you ask us what we're thimking about,and we say nothing.That IS what we are thinking about NOTHING !
    Why do women ALWAYS think we are not being truthful when they ask that stupid ass question ? A friend once told me,"Every time his wife accuses him of cheating,he is'nt.
    But she says she has a gut feeling something is going on.And when he is she never does.Women just think too damn much.Ladies give your brain a rest,Stop thinking all the damn time.

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  36. Why do we men assume all men like sports? I can't fucking stand sports. If its competitive I could give a shit. I have better things to do than watch people handle balls or hit balls or throw balls....like living an interesting life.

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  37. Yeah but he ended up "discovering" a new world.

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  38. re toilet: Well this is logically unfair. Women need it down in 2 cases. Guys need it in one case down, in other case - up, unless some of us learned how to take a dump while standing. So it’s 3 to 1. They win.

    That's honestly the best argument I've heard, everyone I have asked this states "because the underside of the seat looks nasty and they don't want to touch it" so they make the man do it, and i have even heard people claim men are the ones that make it "nasty" but think about it, men, *usually* do not go peeing on the top, that is "splash damage" from people sitting ON the seat! and as you have clearly pointed out, women sit on it for 2 things, men for 1, therefore it is more the woman's fault, therefore the woman should have to put it down.

    *gets the couch read*

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  39. The 3:1 ratio of toilet seat down:up is a fine argument as far as it goes, but don't forget that lifting the seat goes against gravity and lowering it goes with gravity. So the person who has to lower it has a much easier job. That should count for something.

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  40. re toilet: Well this is logically unfair. Women need it down in 2 cases. Guys need it in one case down, in other case - up, unless some of us learned how to take a dump while standing. So it’s 3 to 1. They win.

    well...though that argument is true, think of this...i dont know many guys who are lazy enough to complain about the toilet seat and not put the toilet seat down when we need it down. we put it up when needed and down when needed. women have it easy, they can just leave it as it is

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  41. Not all true: We emo boys are very sensitive, and will always support women. (except for the nr. 1 (If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.))

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  42. Why is it whenever i fucking stubleupon it gives me this crap (i always give it a thumbs down and it still gives me this page)

    why can't we just get along alright women do stuff we men don't like and we do stuff that women don't like.

    so why can't we get along, jesus i think the one with the most common sence in these comments is azy who wrote on September 10th, 2008 at 12:20 AM

    Read her comment at least its got something meaningfull in it rather than wow this is funny lol

    ReplyDelete

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